By Philip Foley
Personal stories like this
cause me great concern. First because
they are “Personal.”
Another concern is that they perpetuate the myth of
Love and Loss and always use the misnomer of Birth Mother. Ms. Deprill’s mother is Brenda Hollis, the
woman who nurtured her from infancy and is still supporting her today. Ms. Pochek, woman that gave birth to Ms.
Deprill, was the victim of a horrific violent crime, placed in an impossible
situation and made the only decision she believed available to her 16 year old
self.
Both Ms. Deprill and Ms.
Pochek made the mutual personal
decision to meet. This is their choice
and should not in any way imply that other victims impregnated by rape want to
make that choice. Again; “Personal
Choice.”
Thousands
of women in this country now in their 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond experienced
catastrophic pregnancies when they were teenagers and with no other options
available, were forced to give birth.
For many of them, being rescued by the confidential adoption process,
gave them their lives back. Giving birth
does not make a girl a mother. Though our society chooses to see it
differently. Birth mother—a term forced
on girls impregnated by rape is completely offensive.
Being hunted down by an adoptee, being publicly
exposed to family and friends; while being subjected to the condemnation it
promises is a devastating trauma. Kathleen
and I have emails—all anonymous—from such women drenched in pain. One woman’s husband divorced her after an
adoptee showed up at their door. Another
woman’s beloved brother abandoned her for the adoptee.
While our
country is in love with the romance of happy endings, flesh and blood elder
women are being terrorized by threats of being found, with many of them forced
to endure those threats materialized.
There are
many other people in both Ms. Deprill and Ms. Pochek’s lives that will be
impacted by their mutual personal choice.
I hope it all works out for them.
